When My Heart Does Sing

I've been in this state of vigilant struggle and bountiful bliss for about a week now. It is identified and quantified and laid out before me with one resounding question remaining in it all: what do I do with these feelings?

To some this would be an easy answer. Who are we to deny love in all of its trappings? We should scream it from the country sides, worship it on altars, and clutch it warm to our bosom. Love carries me off to clouds on high and lays me gentle into the soft grasses below. It holds in its breeze the smell of sweet flowers. With its mighty arms it has whisked me away and now...I get scared.

I've been here before. I've put it on the line not knowing the answers. I've tore myself open to be fully exposed to the one person I feel could be the one. And in the end it was always turned back. It was rejected as offal. It was stomped upon, obliterated, and mangled in this dance we call courtship. Many say that the man has so little to loose but I feel it is those men that have been lying to themselves. And in the end here I am...taken.

So when will she know? When will my lips part and sing that sweet song of devotion? I'm taking a different approach this time. Slow and steady I'm told wins the race. I'm showering her with love and affection and not fighting so hard to define what we are or where we fit. Instead I am learning to be content in the now. To take time to view every facet that is this jewel I'm getting to know. I want strength in unity with a strong foundation and re-enforced frame. If this pays off we will see. If it doesn't then I have to say to myself, "The war is not over." We simply lost a battle. In battles we fix our wounded and move on to the next stage of victory.

To Love...

Jack

When is enough enough

I was recently watching a news program that was talking about Nike and their new advertisements. In the advertisements we have men depicted dunking on other men with slogans that are derogatory to the buys still on the ground. Due to some unfortunate placement of the men gay activist took it upon themselves to protest the ads calling them "homophobic". It is things like this that make me question, "when is it going to stop?"

This is much like the Snickers fiasco a few years ago. Two men both eating a Snickers bar and as they work to the middle they kiss. In a typical reaction of nearly any straight man I know they decide they must do something manly. Ripping their chest hair out they were able to achieve a sense of control over their hetero nature. I am making this a lot more serious than what it is but the point being most men I know in that kind of situation would do anything they can to remove themselves from it. Is this any different than the discomfort a gay man would feel kissing a woman? This too was frowned upon by the gay community and the ad was pulled.

People! Stop taking yourselves so seriously. Develop a sense of humor and try to understand perspectives that you may not see. More important, pick battles that mean something. What will be next? Fat people suing fashion magazines for promoting an unhealthy body image? This needs to stop. Maybe instead of focusing on things like the non-issue of advertising we should instead focus on the AIDs epidemic in Africa, genocide in countries around the world, sex slavery in nations including our own that rob women of their humanity, and thousands of other issues that really matter. Frankly, it took me days to work through the hatred of humanity to get to the point I could write this.

You let me down every day and show me just how much we are all like cattle, just waiting for the next hot button issue to graze upon instead of choosing life and love and the helping hand. I shake my head and misanthropy is all I feel for most of my fellow man.

Jack

The Dark Knight

Typical. That is what I would call my reaction to one of my favorite movies of the year. It was dark and foreboding and ugly at times but in the end it was Christopher Nolan doing what he does best: producing intriguing crime drama. Some will walk away with a sense that this strong epitaph for one of the world's most versatile actors, Heath Ledger, was a fitting end to what was so dark a life. Instead, let us not mire this in focuses of death and loss but use this as a celebration of what film can be.

This movie certainly attains the trappings of many noir films. In itself the movie performs a feat in changing a simple superhero film into a study in the human condition. This movie is less about Batman the icon and more about the world he lives in. What kind of world needs (and in a sense creates) creatures like Batman? What kind of world creates villains with the cold ferocity of The Joker? Nolan's raises questions and elevates beyond the juvenile forms presented in other films of this genre. While X-Men 2 and Spider-Man 1 and 2 give us glimpses of what superheroes can be to the cinema goer it is in The Dark Knight that the vision is fully realized.

I am all for more films taking their notes from modern psychology and even the graphic storytelling renaissance of the early '80's. It is for this reason that we can celebrate. No more vinyl cut out heroes to spend our money on. Instead we get quality film that asks honesty of the viewers and wraps itself in the frame of an action thriller. Sure, with Jack Nicholson, we all wanted to know where he gets those wonderful toys. This time around we wonder at the depths a man has to go to find the brokenness of all the lead characters.

Kudos to Nolan and his team. This is a masterpiece in cinema.

Jack

Media Conglomerates: Big Brother is Watching

The Third Reich is upon us. Joining the ranks of Microsoft, the RIAA, and several other insanely wealthy corporations Viacom has filed suit against Google and at risk once again is our privacy.

It seems Viacom is demanding all the user name information and IP addresses Google has on file for anyone that has ever VIEWED a copyrighted video on YouTube. Viacom feels that it needs this information to prove it has a case against Google by proving the amount of content that is viewed illegally. So where do we get our say? The argument could be made that the users made the decision to view illegal video and therefore give up some of their rights. It could also be said however that this is an issue between Google, its YouTube site and the soul sucking media corporations. Why is it that whenever there is money involved it is our privacy that has to suffer?

In the end it will be the pioneers of the internet that hold on with a death grip and keep it the open playing field it was created to be instead of the playground for the content gestapo and neo-fascist capitalistic ideals. I for one feel that the users should unite and sue both the judge and Viacom in this case for invasion of our privacy but under the current regime of freedom in exchange for peace of mind this lawsuit would probably achieve very little.

Jack

Exploration in Progress

I am Jewish.

This is not something that I have ever made much of a claim to with little more than a passing joke or a giggle at the religion I follow (I’m Christian) and the connotations therein. I am, by name, a Jew not in religion but by lineage. This was not a fact that permeated my identity as a child. I was never mitzvah-ed into manhood and the most I know about my heritage is a few lines of “Hava Nagila” and barely enough Yiddish to complete a sentence. But the fact still remains that I am a Jew.

This was a revelation I was awakened too late in my latter high school days. As time went on and things became more apparent, it was something that I began to take on as identity only in name. Instead I wore my English and Irish roots proudly as they are so much easier to identify with. Amidst waves of Sheppard’s Pie and pints of Guinness these became the history that truly made me who I was. As a young man and into my young adulthood it was always easier to drink pints with the boys, swear by all that is shamrock laden, and speak troves about the wonder that is Boston (I have never been). These things were easier because unlike the Jewish part of me, it took very little for me to embrace what made them me.

And that is where this all comes to a head. At 30 years old I am finally realizing that there is a whole part of us that we may never know about. With all the heritage websites and private investigating firms specializing in family history it is sad to say that today our lineage represents little but an excuse to get away with our vices in life. It is a culture of laziness that produces ignorance to the true nature of what our blood lines really carry. It is in this that we find answers to the unknowable questions. It is in this that we retain the memories of the elders of our clan. Most importantly, it is in this that we become aware of what really makes us who we are. It makes me proud to know that I am Jewish and that I share such a rich culture that dates back to the origins of man. I mean to do it honor by exploring what that truly means in my life.