If you are my friend and you are female chances are I've had some passing interest at one time of another. It is one of the longest arguments but I'm here to tell you the unless your guy friend is gay he has probably thought about you as more than a friend at some point. With me though it is practically a plague...been told I have a huge heart...been told I see things others don't. Either way this has been something that I have grown to love because I'm that guy who can't just leave well enough alone. I've got to take the chance...which is probably why I've been rejected so much but that's another blog. :)
But that kinda brings up the point of today's writing. At least part of it. For the last 5-6 years I've been really battling this idea of am I indeed undate-able. I'm a nice guy. Ask anyone. I go out of my way to do things like walk the 4 miles to walk my friends home even in the snow just so she didn't go home alone. Made up extra sheets and slept on my own couch because wanted to be sure I wasn't crossing any lines. And I do these things because that is the nature of who I am. It became more of a struggle (and bear with me here as this is not just some whine session...it is going somewhere) to not think, "Man. I'm this great guy who keeps going out of his way to make his female friends safe, and that they are having fun," but no bites.
Then the truth struck me (and this is what I'm getting to). I've been told most of my life, by most the women I've know, that they feel safe with me. And if I really look at all these circumstances I was beginning to dwell on I see the truth: that there are not a lot of people that do things like that because there are not a lot of friends or other that have that in their nature. These are all good things. In my year of fighting off my "good guy" image I've come to realize 1) it makes no sense for me to go against my nature; and 2) take pride of the image of self you portray and use every chance you can to show a good image and improve it.
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It has become clear the real reason I am writing these is a quest for character. An aside...which I'm sure is obvious now...is that I'm not the person I was a year ago. Most of us aren't but my year of drastic change has meant meeting a lot of new people with no back story, shuffling a lot of lifestyle that I'd grown know as me, and losing a certain amount of respect I'm sure some folks had in me. That is neither here to there. The point being this is not an apology blog. This is instead an "hey this is what I've been thinking about and this is what I'm going to do with it" blog. I only share because it is good for me to be honest...something I haven't done most my life, and because maybe someone is going through similar stuff and can glean something from these. Hope you are all having a great weekend. Wish I was watching John Carter.
