This has been a while coming. Lots of ups and downs but mostly more realization.

The biggest being I have a complete and utter disconnect from humanity at this point. This is going to be pretty honest which is my nice way of saying it could get rather revealing so a warning to readers.

First off after years of chasing relationship after relationship and telling nearly everybody what I was looking for I think I'm just done with the whole dance. I don't ever want anything that resembles a traditional relationship. Certainly not one that includes all the laws and rules I have to play by in order to trick some girl into believing that I'm the one for her. It all seems like an effort in futility. And definitely no kids. I am not going to bring any rugrats into this world which is already grossly overpopulated. I feel this to extent that I'm really contemplating getting a vasectomy to just avoid the chance of anything happening at this point. Like Bill Burr says we don't need any more shitty people making any more of the same shitty worthless person and lets be honest...we like to think we are special but most of us aren't. We are pretty fucking blase and normal. So if anyone reading this has at any point been interested in me know now I'm not going to lie. I'll kick it. We can have some fun. Just never expect any sort of commitment from me ever. I'm pretty sure I'll be in it more for the comfort and I receive and any you get will be me simply just being reciprocal.

Second...besides the few times I work for Matt at Pinnacle or jobs in that realm know that I'm simply your robot to do as you bark orders at me, collect my check, and go home. I'll never been your company man. It isn't in my DNA to be. I tried to play the game a live within the system of education, job, and pride of the toys I've earned and the worthless knowledge accrued. This is the time I say I'm just completely done with it all and am only doing what I do to make sure I'm not homeless, hungry, or dying from one of the several things life has foisted upon me with little or no reason. There is little reward. This new monetary reward system for making a company more money does little to pique my interest and I have no belief in any kind of corporate standard whatsoever. I instead wonder what ever happened to a job market that made each and every person take value in their work based on honor, kindness, and the feeling that a person was more than just a tool in the machine. Frankly I find the entire corporate world to be a soul-less, life sucking machine that does nothing but live on the hopes of never ending profits at the cost of the individual. And I'm not entirely pro-inidividual either which brings me to my next point which is less a "this is me now" statement and more a call where I think we must change or be destroyed.

Third...we must STOP thinking of this life as solely ours and ours alone with the purpose being to droll on and on doing things that mean nothing and produce nothing and change nothing. The point is our entire social structure is based on nothing. Our money, social lives, entertainment, and many other things are literally nothing but numbers, created values, and posturing. I've been having some great conversations with friend of mine recently and we both see this world as a facade sitting atop a great issue in that we are denying the human experience in order to bolster thousands of manmade systems that are failing not just us here in the US but all of us around the world as well. Capitalism: yes I understand what it is. Yes I understand that in its perfect form it creates a free market where people all have a chance to rise and prosper. But as any person who has ever invested time into really understanding this system will tell you it was a way of living that was meant to fail not because it isn't a good way of thinking but because we as humans can never keep anything simple. Labor laws and piles of legislation have crippled the idea to a point where it is just limping on, and we were all dumb enough to not see it coming. This has led to a collapse in our education system which I think is our most important asset, the complete and utter destruction of the middle class, and a flailing war economy that should have realized we could never keep up with the hayday of World War II. Of course we needed Korea, Nam, and this recent Middle Eastern boondoggle to figure this out.

All that to say I once felt that my obligation was to each and every human much as it was for every other person in the world to feel the same. If you have you give to those that don't. If you don't items will be in place to keep you on your feet and living comfortably and healthily until you can again give back. But the more I read, study, examine, and ponder these ideas the more it is clear that you as the entire human race is incapable of this. How can you not understand the if we all come together and break out of the labels and boxes we put ourselves into we can see true change without these back alley dealings and two-faced workings that make this state of horrible just business as usual. It doesn't matter whether you are black, white, Christian, Muslim, gay, straight, or all the other names we give ourselves to make us feel special. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL!!! We as a whole are just carbon-based lifeforms searching for purpose and what greater purpose than to make the world a better place. Until then I'll stay arms length and enjoy my play acting in your little world until I can become worm food and forego this entire comedy. Life is a joke. We can choose to make it a joyous one or a laughable one. Right now I feel existence in and of itself is pretty laughable.

So there ya go. Sleep tight and keep sucking down those opiates so you don't have to care. And keep telling yourself something that you are doing matters. It doesn't. Not as long as it fits neatly within the confines of a media focused, greed driven society. Once you can step out of that then maybe we can talk about the true complexities of being carbon-based lifeforms. These are the things that matter and leave true destinies.

Jack