Quest for Honesty Part Deux

Okay...

This year is all about being honest. Honest with my feelings. Honest about a lot of different things. Each week I'm going to try and be open and honest here on my blog about at least 3 things I've struggled being honest with a week. This is all more of an experiment in breakthrough than anything. And I'm going to try and not make all these completely serious:

1) I can't get into theater...ESPECIALLY musicals. No need to argue or defend. Like what you want. I however have few exceptions to this rule: Hairspray, Across the Universe, and maybe a couple others (wish they would make Dracula the Musical from Sarah Marshall). Besides that I think singing should be kept to singers and acting to actors. And I know. The societal norm at one point in time was an entertainer that can do all things. But despite exceptions in a few instances I think history has proved it is best to find that one thing you love and do that with all your ability.

2) I HATE going to bars. I spend way too much money for watered down soda (since I can't drink or I'LL DIE which I keep having to remind you people), and nothing annoys me more than drunk people. Even the prospect of a potential hook up is lost on me in these places because honestly most the time I'm so annoyed sex just takes a back seat to not giving a shit and wanting to leave. Part of it could be my upbringing, part of it is admittedly that it pains me to watch certain drunk people because of my past involvement, but the biggest part of it is that most people go to these establishments, spend waaaaaaay too much money to fill themselves on empty calories and poison, and all in the hopes they'll find someone to exchange bodily fluids with or maybe just bury some shame.

Feel free to drink if you want. Even as a chance to be "socially active", the annoyance is so great that the experience is simply painful for me. So each and every time I've ever humored any of you and went to the bar understand it was a sacrifice on my part. It is rarely, if ever, a joy. I think I would rather watch conservatives talk about the war on religion in this country while petting yapping small dogs than go to a bar...two things which are pretty high on my dislike scale. So if you have other plans (I get accused of being simplistic in my planning yet it seems most of y'all can't come up with anything but "The Winchester") like music (and no offense to Wesley and crew but just not my style music there most times and the Horned Hand), art, or even something new I'm all over. I just hate being around drunk people.

3) I'm a nice guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me get to my point. I sometimes say things I don't mean trying to give you (this is directed at any female readers) a compliment which then makes me come off like a complete ass. Truth is I am just like everyone else and have wants and needs, but the majority of the time I really just want the women in my life to have better in their own lives. No agenda. Not trying to get in your pants. I've seen a lot of you make bad choices and get hurt, which hurts be because guess what...if you are my friend I actually value you as a person quite a lot. Just trying to make you feel better if anything because lets be honest...the vast majority of men in this world are shit. They are abusive, insecure, prideful, assholes that would shoot their own mothers in the face to get vagina and/or money.

To the point though...I rarely say what I mean because I have a hard time articulating the nuances of my multifaceted emotions. Often times there are important parts to what I want to say but I get in such a rush or so impatient/scared to say it that I skim over crucial parts. I'm really not an asshat like I sound sometimes. I'm just a simple guy that has been hurt and witnessed a lot of others getting hurt, and I like to do what I can to help. Sometimes that means I try to fix things which I know never works out. I've been yelled at by more women for just trying to be of assistance because somewhere along the line my act was construed as trying to take something away from them or telling them they are weak. Never. Couldn't be further from the truth.

So this one is a short experiment. We'll see if I keep this up. But I'm trying to change. Trying hard. Because what I hear from everyone is that there are things in me that just aren't correct. If that is the case I have no choice but to fight this stuff. And it clearly is an issue because most of you all come back with the same things as issues with me. So hopefully this will help. This is also my attempt at dumping these things in a place that isn't my Facebook status. Either way...read this...don't. I don't care. But if you do you might understand me a lot more. I'm just a simple guy, scared like all y'all, and trying to get some things right so I can finally be content at at least one moment before I shuffle off.

G'night...

Jack