Faith Ain't What It Used to Be

Given the fairly even keel I've found my life in recently it only makes sense that something would be on my mind. Faith has been a huge issue for me lately. My faith has not waned. God and I still converse and it is very real and pleasant. It is the only relationship I have that I can really count on at this point in my life. The greater issue is labeling my faith. I prescribe to the Biblical God or judeo-christianity. Life is still ruled by the book and my understanding of God in my own life. But being away from the church has allowed me to experience so much that I struggle to lump myself in with so many that do so much hurt in the name of God.

For every Brennan Manning, Donald Miller, or CS Lewis it seems I have to take the Tea Partiers, Focus on the Family, and Pat Robertson and his heartless 700 Club. It is mind boggling not just from an ethical standpoint but from an intellectual standpoint as well that such great men can represent a pure faith with love, grace, and healing to be followed by so many that spew ignorance, lies, and hatred all in the name of God. The God I know loves me for me...faults and all. I don't see that God in the actions of so many people that are in the spotlight and represent my faith. And what I do see makes me sick.

I've grown in this time to tell people I'm a spiritual person with a love for Jesus Christ not because I'm ashamed of God, but because I'm ashamed of a label. And I know. So many of you right now are chomping at the bit to go on the attack and ask me why I'm so perfect. I'm not perfect. I've never been happier to be a failure because I know that when I face God the words from his mouth will be just as if we never stopped talking. It will be just as if we continued right from where we left off. I welcome God in my messy life. And I know he may not always be glad it is so messy but I know he is glad to be there.

The real issue here is ignorance and hatred. It is one thing if you are one of the hundreds of millions of peon Christians that don't have an international spotlight. It is completely something else when your faith links you to the bile spewed in the name of political grandstanding. It is completely something else when you use your national pulpit to preach against "faggots" or "drug addicts" or anything that isn't conservative and Republican. Last I checked God is a big fan of variety. He is also huge in the areas of grace and forgiveness. I'm not attempting to attack any of my near and dear friends here but ask yourself what you represent? Is it something you can be proud of? Is it something that God made you to be?

I don't get on the "faith" kick often but this has been plaguing me recently. To the extent that I've uttered the words, "secular humanism sounds really good right now." But that just isn't reality. Believe or not, I know my faith is as much an ingrained part of me as the air I breathe. I just hope there is one day I can live it fully without the shame I live in because being associated with a group makes me look just as bad as them.

J...