I just got back from the mountains working with my Uncle and Cousin. Some of you know what I do. It is a job I love immensely. I make a lot of money at it, get to be involved in something I feel I'm putting a part of me in, and it gives me time to recollect and clear my head to really get to the core of what life can do to a person when they don't take breaks. The nice thing about the job in the mountain is that I have no choice but doing this. Being removed from civilization and basically off the grid gives me no choice but to be honest and true about the choices I've made in the last year and what they've done to me as a person.
This year revealed a lot. Always surprising is how clear God's voice is in the fields. In that moment in nature I can't help but fall away and accept that I have to listen. And always I learn new things and accept reality for what it is but this year was much less hard on me than it has been in years past. Despite a lack of sleep and struggling with the loss of my cousin God's was always a stable voice that showed me he is proud, accepting, and welcoming. It is in the acceptance that I was able to accept some more of the reality of who he made me to be.
But there was the loss of my cousin Rick. I'm coping. I don't know how my family is as strong as they are but Rick really hit me hard. After two years I can honestly say I loved that man like a brother. Rick was killed on October 18th 2010 when his car left the road and struck a tree. He was killed instantly leaving behind his fiance Candice Spearen and their little boy Aron. Rick was a guy that lived life like every day was his last. That may seem trite or maybe a bit of ill timing but the truth is is that Rick may have only been 22 but that (excuse the phrase folks) little fucker lived 100 years in those 22 years. He was quite a young man and left an impact on everyone he knew. I miss him a lot still. He was one of the good ones.
Now I'm back though. Bend. And while things were a bit of a struggle for a few days I can honestly say I'm so happy to be home. Bend is finally home after 14 years and I'm looking to make roots here. The job is kind of a question right now, but I know I've got enough talent and knowhow that if need be I'll create my own thing that will keep me here. This is my family...the city. As quirky and sometimes weird as you all can be I consider you all my brothers and sisters here. The only place I've ever felt this closeness is when I'm down south visiting my blood family. You guys all make this home.
I hope to get back to this. My writing hands are a bit shakey because getting acclimated to farm life doesn't really encourage a life obsessed with tech. You all know me though. Without a girl to distract me I'll always have some sort of computer or communication device in my hand. Simply said I'm back and if you want to see me just ask. I do miss you all and want to see each and every one of you. With all my love...
J...
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