Rantings for Rantings Sake...

So Henry Miller and I were separated at birth I'm convinced. There is the natural draw to cynicism that I think comes with a good amount of living in this world and also educating yourself about its operations. Certain things are just destined to create a certain air of disdain for your fellow man. I know I'm there on almost a daily basis. The evil that men do and the depths of vileness they are capable of can only make me arrive at one point of belief: everyone is out for their own. It is a mantra I've been struggling not to live by. Trying to understand love and compassion was once a draw so great that I thought it would indeed be my life's work. What reality tells me though is this is a waste of my time and that I should just do whatever I want with the few decent people I have in my life to find some semblance of "happiness". I'm here to say I think true happiness is a lie reserved only for greeting cards and The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow.

Is it any wonder we are a nation of gluttens feeling free to suckle at the sacred cow of fast food and prescription medication? It is these mini vacations from reality that are the only things that maintain a calm exterior. It is a fuck, a smoke, a snort, a devouring that has become the one place "joy" can consistently be found and it is tenuous at best. I really believe this is why we have a flawed system that no one is willing to work to improve, an economic epidemic that could be solved soundly if the rich would be willing to let loose their coffers, and a health epidemic that doesn't just touch us physically but mentally and spiritually as well. Welcome to the zombie apocalypse: population everyone.

We had one of our many debates at home last night and I will be the first to admit that most of my arguments require huge jumps in logic but that is what you get when you have someone who is passionate to the point of nothing being too sacred to trample. I clearly stated that I've given up on humanity and that the only answer I can accept at this point is if you have proven you are incapable of handling power you have been given then it should be taken from you, by force if needed. This includes wealth...a primary focus of most of my arguments lately.

You see I ride the bus system to and from work every day here in Bend. I've seen the faces of the services workers that pump your gas, clean your motel rooms, and flip your burgers. I've also seen the faces of those that refuse to live this life and instead have taken upon themselves to choose the street, drugs, and a bottle as their only solution. These souls content to bob and weave the complex structures of chaos and technology we call the modern world in a stupor of chemical haze. These rank and file individuals that don't see jail as a punishment but as three hots and a cot. This is a life relegated to those that never had choices in education, healthcare, or a number of other things that the privileged and wealthy take for granted around the world.

Talking with some friends the other day I think I've boiled down the need to something that is simple: we all just want to be contented. I was reminded of a time in another life for me when I could just go to the store when I needed something and not worry about how I was going to afford it. As I sit here in tremendous pain I can't help but think of countries around the world where this is not acceptable as they feel a responsibility to maintain a quality of life in hopes that they will get many returns within community. Sitting here and reading these last few sentences it all makes such sense. So why is it that not everyone can grasp this?

The most absurd thing in all of this is the people that do struggle are also ones I've heard so many times espouse ideas of earned wealth and status when all they are really doing is regurgitating the propaganda of the Global media machine and its controlled lobotomy of an entire species. It is the middle class that is now the new endangered species though I would probably say it is already dead. Meanwhile big corporate think tanks are contented high in their towers just maintaining a way of life with a wink and a nod.

To me it is amazing listening to people and what they get outraged about. When a child is murdered people clearly call for vengence yet when there is a potential death of a culture, of a social psyche is slowly killed through attrition we hold interest for the briefest of times before moving on the the next "national tragedy". Naturally cries of socialism (I've which I've been informed I'm more of a selective socialist) fall deafly on my ears as I embrace this flawed system as the only true way of living.

Whatever may come of this...and most of this might just come from a mind addled by physical pain...this is things as things are. Be well those of you carbon-based life forms I actually call friends...

J...