It's hard not to wake up these mornings in tears. The very thing I loved more than my own life...I can never call her again, never tell her I wish her the best, never say I'm sorry ever again. Never look in her eyes and melt. Never to listen to those little silly things she would say when I know she was just trying to show me how much she loved me. Never is an awfully fucking long time.
It seems like just when I've moved on and let go I can't get her out of my head. She's there with that smile still more beautiful than anything in all of creation. She's there with that hunched giggle she would always get when I was being silly or just going off into one of my rants...which would often calm me down and make me laugh as well. She's always there in a dream never to be anything more. As if I don't hurt enough...the only thing memory does is hurt. It does me no good. I've moved on and I just want to forget.
This is a rough morning. I loved Heather a lot. I'm sure a lot of you find me to be unbearable, crass, crude, and even a bore at times. She never made me feel anything but special. I've never had anyone like that in my life and don't know if I ever will again. I miss you Heather. Why did you have to go away forever? RIP
J
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